An Open Letter To Miley Cyrus

Miley Singing Her FeelingsDear Miley,

This year I have been a very good boy and I would very much like a pony for Christmas. The pony is not for me, but rather for my two-year-old daughter. As you can see, my selfless generosity, as demonstrated by my plan to donate my own Christmas gift, is further evidence that I am a good boy all year long, and not just at Christmastime.

I know what you’re thinking: my daughter is, perhaps, a little young to care for a quadruped as large as a pony. However, she is very smart for her age, and anyway, I believe that any mishaps that may befall her whilst caring for her pony will only serve to teach her valuable life lessons. My ultimate goal of educating and preparing my daughter for the future is yet another example of how I am indeed a good boy all year long, and therefore highly deserving of a pony.

I do not believe that my wife will mind keeping a pony in our condo. We already have two cats, so what’s one more animal to snuggle into bed with us at night? That reminds me – one of our cats is very old and will probably die soon, so the timing works out really well, too. Obviously, my desire to ease the pain of death that my daughter will no doubt experience demonstrates once again that I am a very good boy all year long.

If possible, I would like the pony to be an American Shetland pony – that’s my favorite breed of pony – but I would understand if one isn’t available. My understanding in this matter should exemplify the maturity level one would expect from a good boy who is good all year long.

Thanks for reading my letter, Miley! I hope your music career is coming along. Good luck!


Bil Gaines



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