Bland Car Enthusiast: It Is Okay To Drive A Toyota Camry

Toyota Camry - Fucking RadIT IS OKAY TO DRIVE A TOYOTA CAMRY.

This is a declaration that never gets made, so I’m making it now.

It is also okay to drive a Honda Accord, or a Chevy Malibu, or a Volkswagen Passat, or any other family-friendly midsize sedan.

Critics and auto bloggers everywhere love to get in their jabs at the Camry for being so “vanilla,” maligning it for being slower than a Ferrari, for having a smaller engine than a Boeing 747, and for having more doors than a Porsche. But nobody thinks about these cars the right way. If you think they’re boring, I will tell you straight up you’re wrong.

These cars are designed for efficiency, for safety, and for practicality. Think that’s boring? Shut the fuck up. Efficiency means less gas consumption, which means less smog and more going places, which means more of our population checking out places like Yosemite and Griffith Observatory and the Mojave Desert, and seeing those magnificent places with fewer particulates in the air obstructing the view. Efficiency in cars means opportunity. Safety means less chance of dying on your way to a ziplining tour; it means cheaper insurance so you can buy even more gas and go even more places; it means the difference between being alive and being remembered. Safety in cars means more risks can be taken. And practicality? That’s a no-brainer. Going somewhere? Cool. Taking people? Even better. Taking people and a bunch of stuff like sports equipment, camping equipment, maybe a dog? Super-awesome. Long car trip ahead? Sure would be nice to listen to your favorite music without a roaring engine pounding your ears the whole way, huh? Practicality in cars means more excitement in life.

Here’s what really gets me: when “sensible” is used as some kind of insult. So, really, are we supposed to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for something that’s NOT sensible? Sensibility is good. Reason is good. Logic is good. Without these essential ingredients to our national makeup, we end up with government shutdowns, economic bubble collapses, and open letters to Miley Cyrus.

Does “sensible” equate to “boring?” No. Sensibility is sexy. Sensibility is what fuels industry. Sensibility gives us E=mc2. Sensibility solves problems and takes us to newer, wilder heights. It provides a launch pad for things that are silly and fun, and catches us gently when, like children up past midnight, we fall down asleep. Sensibility doesn’t hold us back, sensibility saves the day. Sensibility should be our fucking hero.

So yeah, it’s okay to drive a Toyota Camry. In fact, it’s better than okay. It’s fucking rad. So go live life. Ride a roller coaster if you want cheap thrills. Drive places in your Camry for everything else. Leave the excessive, obnoxious sports coupes to those with less imagination.

And another thing: I like vanilla. It’s delicious. So there.

 

4 Replies to “Bland Car Enthusiast: It Is Okay To Drive A Toyota Camry”

  1. Pingback: 2014 TOYOTA CAMRY HYBRID BROCHURE

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