Movember has been a strange experience; I’m not learning as much as I would have liked about men’s health issues, but I am learning a few disturbing things about myself. More on that later. What’s on my mind right now is a gaping hole in all our lives, and it affects both men and women.
Mustachioed sharks, it occurs to me, are sorely lacking in our culture’s literary & cinematic cannon.
In previous posts I have described my intention to write a series of screenplays involving a monster that’s part shark, part octopus, and part Orson Welles. If we go with the Orson Welles from “The Stranger” we get the mustache. This solves the problem of having NO mustachioed sharks, but it doesn’t make mustachioed sharks a widely-accepted and normal phenomenon. We must go further.
Therefore, in light of this gaping inadequacy, I hereby declare on behalf of all Americans a desire — nay, a need — for a remake of the classic movie “Jaws” but with a mustache on the shark this time around.
The ball’s in your court, Stephen Spielberg.