Sharkblog: The Inevitable Disaster of Roboshark

You can imagine my instant glee and subsequent disappointment when a Twitter pal declared that Roboshark was his valentine.  Roboshark Publishing House & Fuzzy Kitty Emporium, it turns out, is not a robotic shark.  (The glee returned as I browsed this website, though.  It’s pretty fuckin’ awesome.)

This inspired a Google search for “Roboshark” and the most excellent return (below the obvious) was exactly what I was hoping for: an actual robotic shark.  Hydrodome.com/roboshark.html to the rescue.

I had no idea what Hydrodome was, but their website indicates that Roboshark is a harmless robot, built for scientific observational purposes.  So I read up a bit on the rest of the website.  Hydrodome is a watery theme park in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.  Roboshark is one of two main attractions, the other being an underwater scooter called HydroBOB.

Concerned yet?  Think this sounds like fun?  Don’t be so naïve.

All of this was created by Andrew Sneath, an engineering genius.  Sneath’s ambition led him to create Hydrodome, a playground for all his underwater inventions.  Sneath was born in England.

Let’s do the math.  Sneath is an ambitious genius; he’s also English, which raises his likeliness of being an evil genius to about 98%.  Sneath has created a place for innocent tourists to come play in the water, and he’s got a robotic shark just lying around.  With an ambitious evil genius in possession of a device such as that surrounded by unsuspecting vacationers, and given that this exists inside an arena with the word “dome” in its name, there is an 87% chance that shit will go down.

But don’t let that deter you from visiting Hydrodome.  Given that in any group of tourists there is inevitably at least one local hero, and given that Sneath’s HyrdroBOB thingamajigs give a human being a sporting chance in the same pool as a mechanical predator, odds are that most of us would survive a sudden attack by Roboshark.  Just don’t let yourself be that first victim.  There’s always one…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *