OHMYGOD you guys I’ve done it. I’ve created the general plotlines for four, count ‘em, four sci-fi monster movies. I learned a new word, tetralogy, which is like trilogy, except there are four parts. Intentionally. Not like a trilogy plus one, like four parts that make the entire arc. AND NOW I MUST CREATE ONE. I will use the vehicle of Orsonsharktopus for this endeavor.
I’ve already described the first sequel, Orsonsharktopus vs. Hydraheston, but the original will be just Orsonsharktopus. It’ll be your general mayhem-type movie where scientists try to get the local government NOT to use nuclear weapons to fight a massive monster that’s terrorizing the town, which makes them unpopular with the townsfolk, but they devise a way to trap the monster in carbonite (like Han Solo at the end of The Empire Strikes Back). It’ll be very pro-scientist, pro-environment, and pro-underdog. And we will introduce Orsonsharktopus to the world.
The first sequel, Orsonsharktopus vs. Hydraheston, gets into issues of freedom of speech and press, and again carries a pro-environment slant. The end scene, the big fight between the two monsters, takes place partly on a giant mass of floating garbage with some seriously explosive toxic waste. What I didn’t mention before is that the giant explosion that kills Hydraheston also deafens our plucky reporter.
The third installment, Orsonsharktopus vs. Barry Manilodon, again features the now-deaf reporter. He sings entire neighborhoods to sleep, and then eats them, whole buildings at a time. It is not long after he shows up that the entire town falls asleep and becomes little more than snacks for Barry Manilodon waiting to be eaten.
The reporter, because she is now deaf, is still wide awake. But she cannot wake anybody up, the giant shark’s spell is too powerful. She spends a few scenes alone, trying to survive in a nearly-surreal environment in the middle of the night.
Eventually she meets up with the scientists, one of which is sleepwalking and the other is awake because he is an unfeeling android and therefore cannot be lulled to sleep by adult contemporary music. They figure out how to communicate with the sleepwalking scientist and together get the answers they need. They hatch a plan to set a massive underwater “broadcast” of Barry Manilodon’s song, and then use themselves as human bait to get him to sing out again. With his music being sent to all corners of the ocean, it takes very little time for Orsonsharktopus to arrive. Orsonsharktopus hates Barry Manilodon, and immediately they have a giant fight. Despite Barry Manilodon’s superior size, Orsonsharktopus prevails by pulling off his feathered mullet, thus allowing his brains to leak out and eventually die. As Orsonsharktopus prepares to take over the town again, the scientists send off a small rocket playing adult contemporary music into the Pacific Ocean, and Orsonsharktopus gives chase, never to return. The town and its people are safe.
This movie gets less into socio-political issues, but maintains a strong theme of deaf feminine heroism, which totally gets the pro-underdog vote.
The fourth and final film will take place mostly in Japan, when Orsonsharktopus shows up in Tokyo and has to fight…I dunno. Another monster. It’ll work like this: Japanese scientists note a disturbance in ocean activity, but Japanese government officials pay no heed (typical). They reach out to the scientists from Santa Bertha, who travel to Japan to help investigate. While there, Orosonsharktopus attacks Tokyo and causes a breach in their hydrogen-energy plant, immediately polluting ocean with sci-fi goodness. This causes Orsonsharktopus to grow in size, strength, and meanness, and also awakens something else…they fight, and as they fight, the Japanese & American scientists work with the Japanese Coast Guard to destroy both by using, ironically, a nuclear missile.
I think I’ll ask around on Facebook for suggestions here on what kind of monster to create. I’m thinking something blowfish-esque, but am wide open to all ideas…